wandered into a lingerie store with some people yesterday...turns out they actually keep it locked and you have to buzz in.  they set up a file for you (i have bigger boobs than i thought) and everything.  consequently i'm not sure i can afford to be going to berlin nymore.  well, add to the bra-factor that i can't seem to get a hold of jay (where are you!?)--i think he's in vienna.

TIESTO was amazing.  except for possibly having been involuntarily on unknown mind-altering chemical substances. it was an interesting demogrpahic--euros on one side and jersey shore trash on the other.  haha.  love it. 

I imagine that sailing is a little like life.

If you don't know how to orient yourself, there is no way you can sail to your destination.  But if you make the effort to understand the environment around you, and learn to steer, to read tide charts, to set the angle of your sail depending on the direction of the wind, to apply the rules that will let you get by other people without a disaster, you can harness for a little while what changeable, inconsequential power you DO have, and nurture it into something larger than you knew.

with practice, you can read the future by looking at the color of the water.

i like that when i'm sailing with other people, i become part of a team...and there isn't Time to be afraid and not really participate.  There isn't Space to dream from a distance.  The moment is real.

Time and Life won't stop for you.  Like waves and the wind, they are controlled by a complex, abstract system of physics and God that something as small as a J-24 with a bucket for a bathroom can never control.

I also like that it's not always about the destination.  it can be about speed -- the feeling of flying over the water (not quite flying yet, but 6 knots is good enough for a beginner like me), or it can be about the challenge of how well you are maneuvering the boat.  or for someone as sad and simple as i am, it can just be about dangling your legs ignorantly over the side, enjoying the view, unadulterated but for the spray of saltwater against the bow.

sometimes in your heart there's such a sense of longing to be damn free and anonymous and simple and happy.

but you've got the obligations back on land, and you start to realize that in order to have your fun, you've got to prepare everything yourself before setting sail, and put away the heavy sails and all before you leave, no matter how tired you are.  and it can feel good to do it.

i loved my coach.  i wish i had someone to guide me through life like that.  I also feel mad landsick -- hopefully the ground will stop lilting soon.

Currently Reading Mishima: A Biography By John Nathan see related

facebook me everybody! (yay)

.

Ars Poetica

A poem should be palpable and mute
As a globed fruit,

Dumb
As old medallions to the thumb,

Silent as the sleeve-worn stone
Of casement ledges where the moss has grown--

A poem should be wordless as the flight of birds.

                     *

A poem should be motionless in time
As the moon climbs,

Leaving, as the moon releases
Twig by twig the night-entangled trees,

Leaving, as the moon behind the winter leaves,
Memory by memory the mind--

A poem should be motionless in time
as the moon climbs.

                     *

A poem should be equal to:
Not true.

For all the history of grief
An empty doorway and a maple leaf.

For love
The leaning grasses and two lights above the sea--

A poem should not mean
But be.

-Archibald MacLeish

Brown University '07

someone put it so well the other day...that it's all just starting.....thank you guys for the support.  colorful european postcards and beef jerky packages...

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Hamilton Kids -- thanks for everything, much love to all.

man can't you ppl tell ya fellow azn apart....even my roomie did better than y'allz (-_-;)

I just wrote the craziest story for Creative Writing.  I need a Xanga break from MS Word!

so I sent out all my apps, and that was cool.  Fucked around a little too much on Friday, I am lucky to have such a refined sense of guilt to balance myself out.  Sketchy social decisions...yeah...and dropped way too much money at the mall.  The thrift store rocked too though, I had no idea they were so fun!!!

and um, it was also great fun to get my March Telephone Invoice with 10 calls listed from my roommate's friend's extension.  I haven't touched my damn pin number since January... 

For one negative, I will say one positive: I've gotten to know quite a few people this week who share some of the same views on life and propriety that I do.  It was unexpected, because sometimes they're closer to you than you'd think.

I'm also obsessed with Poulenc.  Download it - Francis Poulenc's Trio for Hautebois, Basson, et Piano (oboe, basoon, and piano)  It's amazingly amazing.  I can sit there for 4 hours straight and practice the same 5 pages over and over and over again, which I did last night.  Until my wrists started to crack and I was going numb.   yeah .  but I've got them down now, only another 27 to go! =)